Why do I cry?
Is it because I am sad?
Partly so, but not entirely.
The tears fall because of the memories that come flashing back.
Random memories of the little things that when put together, make up for the biggest things that matter.
Why do I know that?
Because those are the ones I remember. 
Those random little things that left their mark in my memory bank.
The random acts of love have filled me up, it overflows.

I now realize why I cry and still continue to cry.
It’s grief, yes. 
It’s loss, yes.
It’s longing, yes. 
But most of all, it’s love.
Each tear that falls represents love. 
I was loved.
Deeply loved.
Unconditionally loved.
Selflessly loved.
Even as I write this, tears start to fill my eyes again.
But of all the reasons to cry, this is now my favorite one.
These love tears borne out of memories which were imprinted in my being.
They found their way out to remind me that it’s ok to cry.
To live is to love.
To love is to feel both joy and pain.
To cry as I relive those moments with every drop of tear.
Tears that I now welcome and embrace.

Love tears. 
How wonderful you are. 
You tell stories that hold people close even though they are far.
Even after they have gone, to never return.

Imprints.
These memories that have made their way to the recesses of one’s soul.
You are there in my deepest core, kept hidden but very much alive. 

Imprints and love tears. 
I cry because of you.
And I smile because of you, too.

No break-up is ever beautiful. More often than not, it is painful, it is messy and it leaves one or the other –or both, with either remorse, anger, bitterness, hurt or resentment –or all of it at the same time.

I am not only referring to romantic break-ups. Break-ups can happen within families, at work, in friendships and in partnerships. However it takes place, the feeling it gives is universal. We are, after all, just human beings.

But sometimes, it is has to happen. It takes a lot of courage and strong will to finally make that decision to walk away from something you had grown accustomed to. Something that has started to grow in you. Something you had put your hopes into. Something that is of great value to you.

And the hard part –there is never any guarantee that in doing so, in walking away, no one will get hurt.

Because someone always gets hurt. And that is why breaking up is hard to do.

As with anything that undergoes change, things can be hard to grasp. A bitter pill to swallow. Sometimes there won’t even be enough justifiable and acceptable reasons why things had to be done differently. But we live in an ever changing world, we lead ever changing lives, season after season. And as seasons change, so should we.

There are, of course, things that need to remain where they should, as they should be. Those core values and principles that shape us and keep us grounded, that no matter what kind of evolution would take place, they remain intact.

It is possible to became a new and changed person without losing who we are. We change and evolve with time but we can remain who we truly are. The person whose life matters. The person who was born with a purpose and a mission. The person who was here and is still here for a reason. That person is you. And that same person is me.

For that rediscovering and becoming to happen, sometimes a bad break-up may have to happen. And when it does, harsh judgement can be placed upon you. You become the villain who turned his or her back and walked away. And you can choose to remain quiet because deep down, it is you who knows you.

You know your truth and you speak your truth. And no one and nothing can break that. Not even a bad break-up.

Depending on what you give up, what you walk away from and why you choose to keep quiet, the whole perspective changes.

One morning, I opened the freezer and found a broken bottle of water. By the way it looked, the bottle did not just break, it exploded. My initial reaction was annoyance and anger. Who in their right mind would leave a glass bottle inside a freezer? Anyone with common sense knows that it will eventually break.

Seeing broken pieces scattered all over the freezer and unable to tell whether some were ice or glass, different scenarios flashed through my mind.

“What if someone opened the freezer door at the time the bottle exploded?” The thought gave me chills, I had to immediately dismiss it.

“What if tiny broken pieces went to all the ice makers and all the ice cubes will have broken glass in them?” I ended up throwing away all the ice.

“What if those tiny pieces found their way to all the frozen food we have stocked inside?” I immediately took everything out to get them washed.

As I was about to do so, I opened the faucet sink only to find out we were having water service interruption that day and there was no running water available.

It was the perfect time for an apocalypse. Annoyance turned into irritation and anger into rage.

On the brink of a flare up, I waited for the culprit to come down. My husband.

He seemed shocked at what he saw and suddenly remembered it was him who placed it there and forgot to take it out. He quickly explained he needed to get cold water quickly for the workers who did some repair in the house the day before.

He quickly took over the clean up I had started, telling me to step aside and to be careful not hurt myself.

I did not step aside. I was upset and was in no hesitation to show my husband just that.

But amidst the chaos in the kitchen and the war of words going on in my head, I took a mental step back.

The old me would have turned that entire day as disastrous as it started.

Thankfully, 3 unexpected things happened:

I gave up the urge to start a fight. I came to terms that it was something none of us wanted to happen. Not even him who caused the mess that morning. None of the things I feared had actually happen. My husband's intention that drove him to put that bottle inside the freezer was to quench the thirst of workers doing their job to fix something for us under the scorching heat of summer. I gave up the messy ending of something that was done out of service and not malice. 

I did not feel weak when I gave up the urge to fight.

I did not see myself as coward when I walked away from turning another day into a bad day.

I was not scared when I kept my mouth shut and avoided hurtful words from coming out.

Certainly there are things worth fighting for, worth staying and worth speaking up for. But in life, we need to learn to choose those battles.

As for me, the realization was that broken glass bottles can be replaced and the mess they make can be cleaned up.

At the end of the day, the choice remain with us.

Autumn. What perfect season to experience the cool breeze and witness the trees change their colors. The smell and feel of this season is invigorating.

It is a beautiful sight for me as an onlooker to witness how the trees change and shed their leaves. In fact, it has become one of the things I look forward to when I take my quiet walk to the park — those trees and their falling leaves of different shades and how they add so much life around them with the colors they bring.

As I am writing this, I am sitting right by the window where I can see a beautiful tree doing just that. Standing tall with its leaves falling to the ground. Its topmost part is almost bare now and yet it continues to stand still with all its branches looking like little arms outstretched towards the heavens.

It is a fascinating sight. I can’t help but wonder what it must be like for the tree to lose its leaves. Could it be a painful process? Aren’t the leaves its crowning glory?

I can only imagine how it must feel to lose something of great value. To have to let go of an integral part of you. And yet it must do so to prepare itself for another season.

The tree stands still knowing full well that it is indeed just a season to lose a part of itself if only to make way into finding its renewed self again. Soon. When the time is right. When the right season has arrived.

For now, this tree remains standing while gradually letting go of those leaves for someone like me to watch in awe. This wonderful act of nature has got me in such a reflective state that I can actually feel the tree speaking to me. Its message, so profound.

The tree, with its falling leaves, knows only too well that change is inevitable for one to evolve. It can be hard. It can be painful. But it stands still with arms outstretched because it knows that change, while it is pivotal, it can be beautiful too.

I have seen this quote being shared by a number of people which I have come across in my feed, following the May 9 election. 

While I agree with the latter, I also think that so much of one’s character is also revealed by our choice of leaders. When we made those choices, we considered our core values that have been ingrained in us and have molded our character. The same values which also serve as our moral compass in making many life decisions, notwithstanding if those decisions have turned out to be good ones or have taught us hard lessons.  

Character-wise, it speaks a significant volume of who we are and what we hold to be of great value to us.

Among many others, our choices characterize us to be….

Forgiving and believer of second chances;

Followers who aspire for belongingness, validation and acceptance;

Positive individuals who always see the good in people;

Upholders of deep-rooted family values;

Optimists who are hopeful to see positive change happen;

Principled who value ethics, responsibility and accountability;

Regardless of choice, this election has shown the true character of many of us. Our votes, how we voted, who we voted for and why we did so, are a reflection of our character as passionate and patriotic people of this nation. 

At this point where winners have been proclaimed, both officially and unofficially, there is still no telling who made the right choice with whoever candidate they have fought for.

Even if your chosen candidates have won, there is still no telling WHO truly won– is it you who earnestly fought for your candidates and proven yourself to be right, or is it the candidate who victoriously look forward to sitting as the newly-elected leader, or is it the Filipino people?

Winning an election for those we voted for is not yet victory. It holds with it a lingering hope that those leaders can take us to our common aspiration to see the best for our country and the best for our people.

There is victory only when we see lives uplifted. 

I applaud those who have fought hard and won with integrity. I applaud those who have fought hard, lost but are gracious in defeat. I applaud those who continue to fight for causes above themselves with or without a position. 

For those who bask in what they perceive to be a most awaited and expected victory, while mocking those whose choices did not mirror theirs, this is not only a reflection of character but a revelation of how hurt you must be as a human being and how much love and healing you must need in your life.

A person of good character knows where to draw the line and respects differences in choices, in political stance and realizes that we are not each other’s enemy. 

We are one people trying to see the light that our country deserves – that we all deserve.

Day 3 here at Alhibe.  It’s daybreak, and I am sitting here at the balcony of the Payag.  I hear birds, I see the mountains, I hear roosters. I feel the cold air and mist of the early morning. I’m not sure what time it is. 

Since arriving here, one thing I’ve stopped doing, aside from disconnecting from the internet and the rest of the world outside, was to check the time.  I would know it’s breakfast, lunchtime or dinner time when the staff would come and tell us our meals are ready.  That’s one thing – one of the many things I will miss – someone telling me everything is ready and all I have to do is show up at the dining table.  

In a few hours, I will be back to my world of preparing everything for everyone.  But a good reminder from the book I brought here with me –

_{“Because a warrior of light knows he has duties and responsibilities.”} 

_{(Excerpt from Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho)}

In a few hours, I will be facing those once more and with a different perspective now.  

I am grateful for this experience of coming here in a place of retreat, of reflection, of getting in touch with nature and with my inner self.  There have been distractions, yes – an impatient, loud and attention-seeker 6-year-old, a physically sensitive 19-year-old who’s as fearful and paranoid as my overly anxious 47-year-old husband.  I got annoyed and irritated a few times during our stay, complaining this was supposed to be MY vacation to de-stress and here they are, still stressing me out.

Especially this morning when my husband told me he did not get enough sleep last night. He showed me a “surprise” in his phone – a photo of a giant lizard, “tuko” on the ceiling of our payag.  I told him how he spoils such a moment of supposedly peace and calm.

Then, as I reflect on it, this whole experience which I initially regarded as an “escape” from reality, should not be such.  It can be and it SHOULD be facing reality and knowing how to deal with it, as with every person and situation.

Surely, this is a retreat, a time of surrender, of total surrender. There are things that are so beautiful to the eyes, to the feeling, but there are those, too, that are far from the ideal. And both co-exist in this world and in your life.

Just like how beautiful this place is, with all the trees and flowers and a swimming pool with naturally cool waters coming from a cold spring. The structures are made from basic raw materials available in the place. But this did not come without its downside – the insects and all other crawling and flying creatures that exist to strike a balance to nature.

BALANCE. I believe that is what this trip is all about.  It is about striking a balance and gaining control on things within my control.  I cannot control the existence of bees, ants, mosquitos in this paradise, as they too, have their contribution to making this place the way it is.  I can, however, manage the way they can affect me. Citronella sprays, insect repellants lotion and cream, anti-itch and calamine lotion for insect bites – these are the things I have with me to, at least, help prevent being attacked and bothered by those I do not want to come in contact with.

In the same way, the behavior of the people around me is something out of my control.  It is manageable, yes. I just need to equip myself, just as I did with the insects, with my own behavior.  An approach that can strike a balance between dealing with it head on, or by simply ignoring or avoiding it, if it’s not worth the time, energy and attention.

There is so much beauty in nature.  But there are things not so beautiful in it, too.  Nevertheless, those not-so-beautiful sides of it still form part of the whole cycle that make everything beautiful.

My family can be a handful.  They can be annoying and irritating at times, especially in those moments when you just want to have a little space to enjoy some peace and quiet.  But these people make up most of the beautiful things and memories which added so much meaning and purpose in my life.  They are the reason why I wake up everyday, ready to take on anything and everything that’s ahead of me.

Balance.  Yes, it is all about balance.  And I believe, this is “strength” that

“I should tell myself to use for the rest of my life.”

_{(excerpt from Paulo Coelho’s book, Like the Flowing River)} 

Life will never be perfect.  Things, people, situations co-exist.  But with balance, life can still be beautiful.  It is, in fact, so beautiful. 

Written on 8.12.2021

Terrace of Payag

Early morning after sunrise

Alhibe Farm, North of Cebu

Postscript:

Watching my husband now from the terrace where I’m sitting and having my coffee.  He is walking around in his boxers, while brushing his teeth.  I am smiling, no, I am actually laughing at this sight.  This man is truly something else.  How I hate and love him for that – the absurdity, candidness and naturally comical side of him that make this family the best blessing I cannot even imagine I would ever have.

Just as the new dawn shines through, here’s walking towards the new year with these 21 takeaways from the year that was 2021.

1. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
2. Knowledge is power.
3. But sometimes, ignorance is bliss.
4. Whatever happens, it’s always family you come home to.
5. Family is not always by blood but who shows up that really matters.
6. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.
7. Not all battles are worth fighting and winning.
8. Disconnect to connect.
9. Unplug to recharge.
10. There is beauty and power in nature.
11. Angels are all around.
12. The mind is powerful.
13. You learn to appreciate the value of something once it’s taken away from you.
14. You learn to appreciate it even more when you have the chance to get it back.
15. Kindness is all around.
16. The little you have is a lot to someone else.
17. Not everything is what it seems.
18. Not everyone is who they seem.
19. Even the strongest storm will pass.
20. Surrender everything you cannot control.
21. God will provide. He always does.

It is no doubt that we are in the most trying times. When the pandemic struck, the whole world literally stopped. Until this day of writing this, we are still fighting a battle with an enemy we cannot see. Scientists and medical experts all over the world are striving still to find a weapon to destroy such a tiny thing that took so many lives and continue to prove itself to be indestructible, leaving many different nations shaken to this very day.

Yet in the midst of all the chaos, the fears, the deaths, the losses, the uncertainties that the pandemic has caused, there is one thing I see.  I see hope. This pandemic may have shaken us to our very core, took over our daily lives, deprived us of our freedom, challenged our economy, forced us to adapt to a new norm, but in our tiny community where I reside, I saw and see hope beaming. Its face as bright as day.

Our city has once been identified as the epic center of this virus in our region.  We have been on lock down, termed by our government as Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ) since March 28, 2020 with so many other types of quarantine that followed, lifted for a while, only to get extended again. The numbers continue to rise everyday as massive tests in affected and suspected areas were being conducted. Early on, I had been closely monitoring the news updates but when it started to take a toll on my mental state, causing panic attacks and anxieties, I decided to drop it. No more news. If there were updates, family member or the neighbors will let me know. As I distanced myself from the news, a different aspect of this pandemic caught my attention.

I live in a clustered community and in our tiny cluster, we have about 500+ residents. When the news broke out that a neighboring cluster have been infected and the spread of the virus is being contained in that area, our community, led by a few brave and active volunteers, set up its own task force to close points of entries, leaving only 2 that are guarded by shifts 24/7 by different individuals who volunteered their service without pay. It created a stir with some people protesting because of the inconvenience it caused. The stir died a natural death as majority of the residents expressed their support to the initiatives made by the volunteers.

We have neighbors who, since the outbreak, have lost jobs, lost their income from businesses that shut down, lost their means to earn a living. There was help extended by the government but certainly not enough to sustain the many families that needed assistance. Just as hope started to dim, a spark of light opened its way to bringing brightness to the community. Many individuals and families started coming to the aid of those who needed help. Starting with the volunteers, the residents took turn in providing them meals from breakfast, lunch, dinner, even snacks. Former residents who are now residing abroad or other parts of the city have sent in help too with the assistance from those who wholeheartedly did the liaison work for them who cannot be physically around. Community members worked hand in hand, extending their time and services to put together groceries and other food items to be distributed. It was truly as showcase of unity in action.  

In July of 2020, when the number of cases hit its peak, we become part of the statistics. Despite that we have done all possible ways to follow health protocols, sometimes even went beyond what was required just to ensure the safety of each of our family members, we were not spared.  My mother suffered from a severe infection and was confined in the hospital for 10 days where she was fighting for her life. The rest of the family had to undergo tests and quarantine.  The entire ordeal we all had to go through seemed surreal.  And so did the help that came pouring in.  Just like what happened in our community at the onset of this pandemic, our own journey in fighting off the enemy that had hit us head on was that of an out of this world experience.  There had been numerous unexplainable instances where things just fell in place and unexpected people from extended families to friends near and far, even strangers who later on became friends — all of them reaching out to us until we were out of the woods.

This, again allowed me to see what hope looks like. No amount of darkness can dim its light. After all, it is true they say that HOPE springs eternal. In the midst of this pandemic, its light continue to shine the brightest.

 

 

Are you a person who does not start a fight but could finish one? Someone who does not initiate a rift but who neither backs down when enraged? If you are, then you can relate to what I will be talking about.

Harmless, unless provoked, I would often say about myself. A time bomb that can blast once you push the activate button. It is not something I take pride of, that is just my nature.

Recently though, with an awakened awareness and a conscious decision to live a less stressful life, I started embracing calmness and serenity. For somebody as strong-willed and stubborn as me, this shift can be truly described as #thestruggleisreal. In fact, I backslide every so often. A control-freak aspiring to become a free-spirited soul? That is absolutely no joke.

However, what I find most helpful in this journey, is the increased awareness of the things WITHIN and BEYOND my control. I am learning to choose my battles now.

My triggers are very much still around. Their presence can be so loud and domineering. There are times I find myself giving in to their bait to bite. And yes, I do bite. And realizing later on the consequences, I learn to forgive myself, to let go and then strive to do better again.

A few days ago, I was caught in a situation where my resolve was put to test once more. This time, it was double the challenge since the reason why I fight became THE subject of the fight.

Family. That is both my strength and my weakness. I fight for my family, I keep fighting because of family and then, I found myself falling because of family.

For someone who struggles to remain calm, what an achievement indeed that in that triggered moment, the time bomb that I was, did not even budge. I was pushed beyond what I would have considered my border line. With baseless accusations and derogatory remarks being thrown to my face, I was amazingly able to restrain myself. The hurt was there. In fact, it cut me deep. The urge to fight back, to speak out and justify what I stand for to be right, was so strong.

But a realization had sunk in at that very moment. Amidst the turmoil of emotions, it no longer mattered WHO was right. Doing WHAT was right had predominated. The dictates of conscience and a new level of consciousness paved the way to acceptance and submission. I had to admit, I felt proud of myself.

I realized that though we fight to win, sometimes, we need to go through certain losses in order to gain the prize that is far more worthwhile.

It is that wisdom, of choosing to do what is right regardless of who might think is right, that can relieve you of any burden of guilt. You can walk away with much greater peace because in your heart you know you have done the right thing.

It’s the new year and you would never miss the flood of goals and resolutions set by many to do away with the old and make way for the new; to let go of the past and focus on the future; to move on from pain and find peace and joy; to learn from failures and strive for success; to start the new year with a clean slate.

On new year’s eve, I received a greeting along with a message that said, “Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Let’s write a good one.”

While it is something I have always set to do when starting fresh, what happens if there are still so many blank pages left from the previous book? You want to start off the year with a clean slate but what if the slate you have is jagged and broken?

For someone who continuously comes face to face with pain; for someone who keeps going back to ground zero despite putting in all the effort to rise; for someone who has been knocked down countless of times; for someone who has experienced great loss and is still grieving; for someone who still doesn’t know the direction he is going, how in fact do you find the heart to start writing a good one on your blank space? Is a clean slate even possible?

Coming from that place, I don’t have the answer. There is one line though that caught my attention and gave clarity amidst all the questions. It was said by somebody who was once lost and slowing finding her way back to discovering her life’s purpose, “I still don’t know what the future holds for me but I know my Heavenly Father holds my future.”

There might be irreversible losses and you are still in pain. The direction you are going might still be blurry. Your heart might still be heavy. The worst had happened and you might still be carrying the burden of it until now. But with nurtured faith, you can gain back your confidence, your self-worth and your belief that, yes, great things await you. That indeed, the best is yet to come. Because despite all uncertainties, the knowledge of Who holds your future is enough for you to hold on and keep going. Clean slate or otherwise.

Happiness they say is a state of mind. You can also say it is a choice and a decision to be in that state of mind.

In a relationship, when can you say that you are truly happy? Is it defined by being together, happily married where one would never dare to let go of the other so they can both raise what society perceives as a happy family mainly because you stuck together while the many others have gone on separate ways and ended up being labelled as a dysfunctional family, coming from a broken home?

But what if you may be technically together, but in mind and heart and physical presence, you mostly are not?

I was born to a family whose linear ancestry do not have parents who separated. If ever they did, it was because one spouse passed away ahead of the other. We have always held on to that value of family and to fight for the relationship we have with our partners.

Growing up, I was always proud to say I never witnessed my parents fight in the context of heated arguments. I would sense that there was tension between them when both gave each other the cold shoulder treatment which could go on for days. And I did not mind at all because the household was still peaceful despite the tension since nobody was talking.

However, now that we are all grown ups and my parents have advanced in their years, I am seeing the same scene being played again and again. And this time, those years of myself feeling proud for not seeing them argue and fight with words, turned to wishing that they did. Because when there is argument, there is exchange of words. It might be a result of miscommunication but nonetheless, there was communication that took place. Something which my seemingly happily married parents of almost 40 years still struggle with.

We all know there is no such thing as a perfect marriage or a perfect family. Every relationship has its own sets of challenges, flaws and stories to tell. I am married and I have seen the highs and lows of my own married life, how my husband and I also fought with each other while fighting for our relationship to be where we are at this stage of our lives. We have also grown personally and as a couple, along with our own children. Yes, we are grown ups who are still working on growing up to full maturity and wisdom.

If there is one thing I have learned and continue to learn from my parents with regards to relationship and family, it is to never give up on each other. Something which probably was also passed on to them by their own parents and the entire ancestry before them.

And for that, I am grateful.

However, if there is also one thing which I would want to change, it is to have the courage to speak out and agree to disagree, if only to keep the communication lines open. Easier said than done? Yes. But impossible? No.

During a wedding ceremony, there is a part where a question is asked followed by a line that says “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Indeed, if you don’t speak, what does not come out of the mouth, is kept hidden in the heart. Over the years, it can pile up and who knows where it will lead to.

So as the year unfolds with this couple about to celebrate their 40 years of marriage, I could not help but wonder, are my parents truly happy?

I look back and I look on. Maybe they are. Maybe they’re not. I realize it actually depends on how they would define their own happiness. In this aspect, only they can tell.

Just as I ask myself, “Am I truly happy?” Because in reality, there are times, I can give a resounding,”Yes!” in the same way I can shout a “No!”

Happiness can be a place, a person, an event, a thing, an experience. It can be anything. No one can truly tell what happy is for another. How you define happy is how you see you.

Originally written in January 2016. That’s two years ago. Yet the feelings still hold true and strong until this very day and probably for all eternity because I am a mom and I am forever blessed and proud to be one.

Today as I cuddle my 10-month old baby girl in my arms, watching her sleep, I am reminded of how blessed I am for a million reasons. For one, I am a mom. This title may mean thousands of behind the scenes heartaches & backaches, sleepless nights, undone nails & messy hairs, stained shirts, cancelled dates, juggling of tasks to get everything done and the never-ending worry of simply being a mom thinking if you are doing things right and best for your child. But the rewards of what is seen On Screen is truly worth every bit of the BTS circus. The toothless smiles, the chuckles, the soft kisses and even the not so soft ones when the entire face goes with the lips and lands straight to your nose bringing you to tears. I am getting sentimental as I write this with a sleeping baby on my chest, feeling her heartbeat and smelling her breath as she sleeps with her mouth open. The very life of this little one is bringing so much life into my own life. And today I am very much inspired more than ever before because of the love and strength I see in one mom who lost her child yesterday when heaven decided to take back a cherub. An angel as sweet, as lovely, as happy as my own little one. And I have been deeply moved, as any mom who holds her child with so much love would feel. The kind of love only a mother would ever understand. To you my dear friend, I am sending my love and prayers along with my gratitude, because though you may not know it or intended it, you have moved me, inspired me and reminded me to count this biggest blessing of being a mom — the ups & downs, the joys & pains, the laughters & cries, the messiness & tidiness — the beauty of motherhood in its entirety, loving your child unconditionally as the Creator intended for us to do. I am a mom, indeed I am blessed and proud to be one… On screen and behind the scenes❤️

A memory of photos taken a year ago has popped up in my feed today and in the caption it says:

Fun.Family.Pizza!

Spend time with those you love. One of these days you will either say “I wish I had.” or “I’m glad I did.” ….Time spent with family is worth every second and every penny.

And today, I shared that memory and wrote, “I’m glad I did.” Because I truly am. One of the dearest persons featured in those photos is already halfway around the world today, happily starting a new life with his own family there. And I’m glad that in those borrowed years that he was with us, we had those moments where we did nothing but create many wonderful memories of fun, of family, of love. And if given the chance to re-live those times over again, I will not have it any other way.

On the contrary, at about the same time, somebody also gave me an unsolicited advice which was “to not let the kids out frequently. To limit bringing them out, especially the little one.” I would like to think that the advice was given with the best of intentions. However, my belief in living in the moment and making the most of the “now” seem prevalent in my current state of mind and heart.

We often worry too much of tomorrow that we missed out on today. Surely, thinking of the future and being prepared for it, is the path of the wise. But living on today and making each moment count would make the path a joyful one to journey on.

The photos in that post are but a few of the many precious moments captured by the camera. And there are even more of the candid ones, the “in the moment” and “spur of the moment” kind of shots that I wished the camera had captured but did not for the reason of “oh we got busy making memories we forgot to take a selfie!” 😊 Nevertheless, nothing was missed out as the memories created in those “missed” moments are forever etched in the heart.

I believe that each day is a blessing. Today is rightly called “the present” because it is a gift to be lived, to be celebrated, to be valued. And with that, I would adamantly continue to live by the idea that time and resources spent on and with family and the people who matter the most is worth saying “I’m glad I did.”

I came across a very good reminder. There was a post which popped up in my feed recently that showed the “12 Steps to Self Care” and I could not help but pick up some thoughts about it. These one-liners are simple and very practical things which make perfect sense.

1. If it feels wrong, don’t do it.
2. Say exactly what you mean.
3. Don’t be a people pleaser.
4. Trust your instincts.
5. Never speak bad about yourself.
6. Never give up on your dreams.
7. Don’t be afraid to say no.
8. Don’t be afraid to say yes.
9. Be kind to yourself.
10. Let go of what you can’t control.
11. Stay away from drama and negativity.
12. Love.

I mentioned simple, because they truly are. But surely, not as easy. That is why for me, seeing that post served as a good reminder. Because like most people, I have already seen or heard of those before. Cliche, as they call it. I know them and I am fully aware of their positive impact, if and when applied. And that is where the catch is. IF and WHEN applied. Because though simple and practical, at times, I never get to apply them in real life. That is why it helps to be reminded sometimes.

We can get caught up with life and everything that happens around us. We set high expectations and get frustrated when things, situations, even people do not meet those expectations. And how we can get too hard on ourselves sometimes, trying to change all that, when we know that we can’t.

A friend once shared one of the greatest lessons she learned from her father. And again, I found great value in it. It’s called the HALE Principle which means High Acceptance, Low Expectations. The more accepting we are, the lesser we tend to expect of others. And that absolutely makes sense if our goal is to live a less stressful life, which I believe, is something we all wish for.

If there is one person we can expect much from, that would be the person in the mirror. Because that is where our control starts and ends. We are in control of us. And in understanding that, we also come to another understanding that everything has to start with us.

And that is why the impact that this simple reminder has on me is something worth writing about. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. We need to fill ourselves up to overflow. So here is another note to self: Love yourself, forgive yourself, be generous and kind to yourself, for the simple reason that you cannot give what you do not have.

Recent controversial statements made against God and the Catholic Church stirred up an entire nation and different reactions have surfaced.  It paved way to heated arguments and emotional outbursts in social media.

I would like to express my two cents on the issue.  I am a Catholic and I come from a pure Catholic ancestry.  I had my education in a Catholic school from my preschool years up until college.  The values and practices that were imbibed in me are influenced by that of the Catholic teachings.  However, as I come to maturity and have seen and experienced life in its many interesting facets, I have developed my own personal faith that goes beyond religion.  And though, still much of that is influenced by the religion that I woke up to since I was born, a large part of it have come from the relationship that I have developed with an amazing God who revealed Himself through the many people who became part of my life and the situations I found myself in. People who came as blessings and those who taught me great lessons.  Experiences that form the simplest and most trivial of tasks, to the most challenging and excruciating ones which I had to embark in.

God was always there and He continues to be there in every moment.  And this faith, though has much to do with religion, is not all religion.  I believe, as we grow to maturity, (and by maturity, I don’t only mean age, but the awakening of one’s consciousness to the realities of life) we also grow in our faith.  All of us has this inner voice, that when listened to, will guide our perceptions and direct our actions.  And this also fuels our faith.  My own journey taught me that there is one God.  Someone whose love is so great and unconditional; whose mercy is beyond our understanding; and whose grace is endless.  Growing up, I have been exposed to many images of God.  Someone to be feared.  Someone who is jealous.  Someone who punishes.  Someone who knows everything and keeps records of every wrong we have done.  And this created an image of God that ignited fear and compliance of religious practices out of fear.  But the wisdom that God has given us also awakens us to a new reality of who God is.  And this is the reality my heart believes in.

And so I have wondered why I was not personally offended by the words spoken against the God being attacked in this recent controversy.  Does it make me less of a Christian because I didn’t feel offended? As I pondered over it, I have realized the reason.  It is because I feel so secured of my own faith of who God really is.  And no one’s opinion of what or who God is, can change how God has manifested Himself and how He made His presence felt in my life and in the lives of people I see around me.  Yes, I acknowledge that He knows and controls everything but His love for us is greater than any of us and bigger than anything, including our shortcomings.  And how He welcomes us in His loving embrace if we allow ourselves to surrender to Him.  He is the ultimate judge who does not judge.  He is a God of mercy.  A God of not only second chances, but who lifts us up each time we fall and call on Him.   Someone we look up to and follow, not out of fear or compliance, but out of love. Because He Himself is a God of pure love.  And this is not a God of one or any religion.  This is the one true God that lives in each of our hearts, whether we are Catholic or otherwise.

Religion, they say cannot, save us.  Our faith does.  And I believe so.  We can be full-fledged religious according to the books and practices, but not faithful.  And if we call ourselves truly faithful, how indeed do we defend our faith and our God when being attacked?  We defend it by living it.  How we live our lives is the best expression of our faith.  How we treat and relate with other people in our society becomes our own manifestation of who God is.  We ourselves are the best defense.  When we are faithful to the values of being a true child of a loving God and paying forward the goodness that has been received time and again.  To give. To forgive.  To serve.  To love even when it is difficult to do so.  And if we are Christians, to be the true Christian we all claim to be, not only by name or religion but by faith and action.